I’m upset with myself. I feel like a let Jesus down.

Today, I participated in a podcast where the host is wanting to get the perspectives of various religious traditions on important matters of the day, and especially the obligation to make the world a place that better reflects the love of God and how the various religious traditions are able to work in a pluralistic society with other groups toward a common goal.

Naturally, I spoke about the responsibility we all have to respect the intrinsic dignity in each person as made in the image and likeness of God. Naturally, I spoke about how the Church, as an institution, does a lot of good for people who are on the margins, in destitution, or struggling to lift themselves up and out of poverty. The greatest contribution the Church makes to lifting people up and out of poverty is her schools, scattered all over the country, but many of them in majority minority neighborhoods. With the excellent education the Catholic schools provide, they can move up and thrive with successful lives.

But I also talked about personal responsibility. I mentioned Peter Maurin, co-founder with Dorothy Day of the the Catholic Worker movement. Maurin had a philsophy of “personalism,” where people took personal responsibility for seeing Christ in the other and doing good for that person. So, if someone needs a meal, you don’t send them to a food pantry, you give them a meal. If someone needs shoes, and you have a pair to spare, you give them your shoes. This is an attitude of being Christ for others and seeing Christ in others. Oh, I spoke so gloriously about these matters!

Then, when driving home, I spotted a shirtless man pushing a number of carts down the street. He looks homeless and probably was. After all that talk about seeing Christ in others and being Christ for others, and taking personal responsibilty for helping those in need, did I stop my car and offer him a meal, or offer him my shirt? No. I just kept on driving, because my mind was on the conversation I had just had with the podcaster and not on Christ before me in need. I did turn around and tried to find him, but he was gone.

I failed. I failed to live the gospel because I was not conscious of Christ before me in the disguise of this homeless, shirtless man. I really feel that Jesus, after my talking so much about serving Christ in others, was giving me an opportunity to put my money where my mouth is. And I failed.

So, what to do now? I apologized to my Lord for failing to see Him and serve him. Now I move on to the next opportunity Jesus will give me to live the life of the gospel. That’s all I can do. I will think of some sacrifice I can offer in penance for my failure. I’ll confess my failure the next time I go to Confession. But I will not whip myself to death. Jesus doesn’t want that. I will try to learn from the experience so I can do better next time. Every day our Lord gives us an opportunity to serve him in others, to do good, to be loving. Some days we fail. Today, I failed. But our God is a merciful God, and there’s always tomorrow.

Be Christ for all. Bring Christ to all. See Christ in all.